The Big O

Female Orgasms: Myths and Facts





Anorgasmia



Definition: Anorgasmia is an inability to reach orgasm and is thought to occur in about 10% of women. Anorgasmia may be either primary (the woman has never been able to reach an orgasm by any means) or secondary (an orgasm was experienced at some point in the past). It may also be global (orgasm is not experienced by any means) or situational (orgasm may be experienced in certain sexual situations but not others; for example, with manual stimulation but not with intercourse).





There are several myths regarding orgasm. These myths can sometimes cause problems for women and their partners.



Myth:



An orgasm is always an earth-moving experience and there is something wrong with a woman if she is unable to reach orgasm.



Fact:



Some women have orgasms and don’t know it. Some women do not experience orgasm in the sense of feeling their pelvic floor muscles contract. They do however reach a peak of arousal after which they feel very relaxed and contented, the same feelings other women experience after orgasm. By contrast, women who get very aroused and do not experience orgasm will sometimes feel "nervous" or "edgy" or even an aching discomfort in their pelvis.



Myth:



"Normal" women reach orgasm through intercourse.



Fact:



Only about a third of women experience orgasm regularly during intercourse. A third can reach orgasm with intercourse but need extra stimulation. A third never achieve orgasm during intercourse but can by manual and oral stimulation. Having orgasms by means other than intercourse is a normal variation, it could just be your thing. Different routes to the same destination.



Myth:



Inability to reach orgasm, or anorgasmia means a woman is "frigid" or that there is something seriously wrong with her or her relationship.



Fact:



Women who were able to have orgasms in the past but can no longer do so may be suffering from a medical problem or a side effect from medication.

Women who have never had an orgasm may never have learned what does it for them. What kind of stimulation or how long they have to be stimulated for.



Myth:



If a woman cannot reach orgasm, then her partner is not a skillful lover.



Fact:



While there are many ways a skillful partner can help a woman reach orgasm, in the end, a woman is responsible for her own sexual pleasure. Don't be shocked, that does not mean her partner should not be involved. It is up to the woman to tell her partner what she likes and dislikes. What she wants to try etc.



Myth:



A woman has to have an orgasm in order to enjoy sex. This myth seems to be more common among men than among women.



Fact:



Many women enjoy the closeness and physical intimacy of sex and are satisfied even if they do not, or do not always, have an orgasm.









What can you do?



Relax



It is possible to try too hard. Focus on enjoying the process, not on whether or not you will have an orgasm.



Communicate



Communicate with your partner your preferences when it comes to sex. Your partner cannot read your mind.



Encourage



If you or your partner are doing something you like encourage with words, sounds, body language.



Enjoy



Learn to enjoy and feel comfortable with your sexuality.



Fantasize



Some women have trouble concentrating during sex. If that is the case, you may wish to fantasize, i.e., thinking about something sexual may excite you and may reduce negative emotions. alternate tightening and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles. This may sometimes trigger a real orgasm.



Arouse



For some couples, love making ends once the man ejaculates. Often, at this point the woman is very aroused. If this is the case, you might ask your partner to continue stimulating you with his hands or his mouth once he is finished. Give your partner the chance to please you!